No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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