Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
