Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
