bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
