margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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