I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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