I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
