toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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