Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
