I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
