I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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