I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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