I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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