You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
