she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
