I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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