you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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