Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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