my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
