it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
