My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
