i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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