accomplished twins. life is a go
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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