I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
