i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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