I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
