6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ttyl tear gas
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
