Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I want a musical about memes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
