Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
