I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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