And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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