I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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