I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
