pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
