if you like me you must not know who I am
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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