I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
