I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
