He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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