Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just found a bag of teeth...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
