Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
