i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
