nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
