have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
