I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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