Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
