Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
