tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
