It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
