just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
