its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
